June 3, 2011
The new ‘Warren’ Commission? Investigating federally unlicensed magician’s rabbits (bumped with Mark Steyn shout-out)
UPDATE — Mark Steyn writes this afternoon:
I’m ashamed to say that I let my compatriot, Kathy Shaidle, beat me to the definitive pun on this issue:
Maybe instead of all these USDA rabbit police, we need a new Warren Commission.
An NRO commenter adds:
The Warren Commission… that pun is so bad and groan-inducing that it actually comes back around and becomes fantastic and applause-worthy.
I normally rate a pun by how groan-worthy it is (which is a good thing… for puns). But this one made me want to cheer!
Kudos to Kathy Shaidle for the most delightful pun I’ve seen in a long time.
You know, I thought you were making that up. So I went online and discovered that in fact the USDA does track down the unlicensed use of bunnies, and in fact, magicians are asked to turn in other magicians, sort of like not the House Un-American Activities Committee, but the House Un-American Rabbits Committee.
MS: (laughing) Yeah, that’s right. That’s right. You know, and the whole idea, and of course, of course, you know, I understand that there may be health risks if you produce a rabbit out of a magician’s hat, and then someone then wears the hat, and the hat might have, because anyone who’s kept rabbits knows they’re not the most hygienic animals.
And if you then wear the hat after the rabbit has been cooped up in it for the first 20 minutes of the magic show, you could be at risk of all kinds of germs. But this country’s broke, and the U.S. Department of Agriculture should not be engaging in make work activities. It’s doing a grand enough job destroying the taste of American milk, which is one of the great disgraces in this country, I would say. And it should concentrate on its core activity in removing the taste with the federal homogenization of American food, and leave magicians and their bunnies alone.