EPIC: Todd Aikin — ‘Let Me Explain How The Female Body Works’

I’ve been waiting for the perfect first, last and only thing I’m going to post about this genius.

Finally, I’ve found it:

When a lawfully married husband legitimately rapes his lawfully married wife, the woman can control her reproductive facilities contained in her uranus. That’s right! A woman controls if she wants to have a baby! At birth, females have an extra gene that provides a magic dust to combat unwanted pregnancies during legitimate rapes. (…)

Females, at birth, have 4 fully developed babies in their uranus. That is why most women don’t have more than 4 babies in their lifetime.

It’s kind of like a paper towel rack in a bathroom. when you want one, you reach up and pull one out. (…)

Want proof? If you put your ear to your lawfully married wife’s stomach, you can hear the fully developed babies waiting to be born. Sometimes you can hear them cry. Other times, they might be fighting as young children often do. In older women, you can actually hear the unborn babies talking to each other as they have now grown into teenagers.

OK: One more. But that’s IT!

PS: Now that we’ve proved that rape CAN be funny sometimes actually, all you humorless, uptight commie females (and your beta male drones) owe Daniel Tosh one HELL of an apology.

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