Until a few years ago, I never thought I could be anything but English or live anywhere but England. But now I look at the fact that we worship our monarchy and are governed by old Etonians and I wonder what it was all about – the second world war and the welfare state. It’s very much the modish thing to say that patriotism is good and nationalism bad, but I prefer a bit of healthy nationalism – not letting your neighbours trample all over you or take your fish quota – and sod patriotism, with all its mythical, monarch-worshipping implications.
I heard on the BBC World News that a £3m, 1,300ft-long reclining woman sculpted into the landscape near Newcastle airport was soon to be officially “opened” – which sounds rude, of a female sculpture – by the Princess Royal.
Northumberlandia – or “Slag Alice” as she is already fondly known by the locals – will ape the goddess forms of which ancient people were apparently fond. We are always told by earnest feminists with interesting earrings that these symbolise the power of women in a pre-industrial Eden, but I have my doubts. That’s like saying that the white horses cut into chalk hills mean that ponies once ruled the Earth, in the manner of those fanciful sci-fi apes.
I think it’s more likely that these alleged goddesses are actually just some sort of ancient pornography…