I also have two big deadlines and a couple of small ones, plus I’ve put off working out for about five days, so I’m really busy.

Amuse yourself with yesterday’s all-new Loveline reunion with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew, PLUS an old classic call from the real show:

Don’t be discouraged by the clip below –

Carolla and Arsenio chat today by phone about what REALLY went on.

Tune in Sunday to see Clay win — I think we all know that’s what’s gonna happen, because its a better story: White guy famous for taking second place to a black dude finally wins!! — but it’ll still be fun.

Only two more sleeps.

PLUS: Behind the scenes at today’s podcast…

Arnie, getting very Zapruder on me, swears that Clay gets fired Sunday night, based on the direction Trump is looking in the video below.

However, I think Arsenio calling Aubrey or whoever a “c***” sealed the deal against him making it into the top two. The “c-word” is the new “n****r.”

So I say Clay and Aubrey — and pray Clay gets Carolla, Penn and Dee on his team for the $250,000 win.

Aubrey’s charity is some gay “anti-bullying” thing, while, amusingly, Clay’s is for the handicapped kids he’s always worked with.

Earworm warning:

PLUS — recapping last night:

When she did that during the jingle-writing task, that led to both more yelling from Lisa and gave us more of what has become a highlight of this season: Clay Aiken reactions.

Both in the moment (he made faces behind her back) and in interviews, he is hilarious and ridiculously quotable—so quotable I just stopped writing down things he says, because there are too many and they’re much better in context.

Once again, Celebrity Apprentice helps us see a celebrity in an entirely new way.

I first heard about this on Adam Carolla’s podcast today.

After he was fired by Trump on The Celebrity Apprentice “Sunday night” (boo!), Penn Jillette got a call from his real bosses, Caesars Entertainment, who own the casino where Penn & Teller have headlined for ten years.

They asked him how much the prize money for his charity would have been, had he won Apprentice.

So he told them:

A quarter of a million dollars.

Wow…

“They called up, and they said, ‘You really care about Opportunity Village, don’t you?’” Penn tells Zap2it.

The Las Vegas hotel and casino, which owns the Rio where Penn & Teller perform, then wrote a check for $250,000 to be given to the organization well in advance of “The Celebrity Apprentice” May finale. Penn had previously won $40,000 for his charity as the project manager during a task to create a show for Medieval Times.

“I’m thrilled to pieces,” Penn says. “So we’ll have the live finale, but I will have already given the full prize plus more to my charity. And [Caesars] didn’t have to do a big TV show about it.”

UPDATE — best recap so far, by an obvious longtime fan:

What no one is mentioning here is that Michael Andretti might value his name and its brand just as much as Buick, and he might in fact not want to attach it willy-nilly to some random marque to get ahead in a reality show. The Andretti name carries a certain cache, but like all brands, it loses power when it loses integrity. Andretti was let go because he didn’t bend over and shill for free for the Donald’s reality franchise. (…)

The other fired celebrity last night was Adam Carolla, which is devastating for me as I was watching the show mostly for his asides and to see him in person. At least he left with dignity, choosing to take responsibility for the project’s loss as the project manager, rather than dragging back two people and pleading to Donald to keep him around. I feel like Adam was kind of fed up with this and preferred to go home and have his wine and nap anyway.

She forgot “beat off”…

***

Inside dirt!

As you expected, Carolla’s firing was “bullshit” and a battle of the alpha males — I said it on Monday and he says it today.

LEARN about how the producers and editors sabotaged Carolla, and what really happened behind the scenes:

“Steve Jobs presentation,” “12-inch dicks” and “Adam knows more about our car than the engineers”!

And MORE!

Afternoon update:

This morning, Carolla helpfully explains the difference between boys and girls to Ellen:

Last night’s Celebrity Apprentice was 100% bullsh*t.

Magical new judging criteria revealed after the task? “We don’t want it funny” — then laughing through both presentations? “Not all the celebrities were given a role” — what is this, kindergarten? Other weird comments by the Buick guys. (They didn’t understand Tia’s role? Uh… she was hosting the presentation…?)

No surprise that Adam fell on his sword. That’s him (as folks said on Facebook):

* Adam is so the man!! For some poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks, he has more class, integrity and dignity in his foreskin trimmings than Trump has in his whole empire. Trump wanted Adam to bring Andretti back to fire because the retards at Buick wanted to pimp the Andretti name. Adam would not play that game so he got canned as well. Fuck Trump and Fuck Buick. No wonder GM had to steal taxpayer money to stay in business.

* Adam didn’t kiss trumps ass and trump made an example …ratings should sink significantly…bad business decision. His idea was a hit. Andretti was weak which even he knew...hence adam was manager…yet Lou lives on. Doesn’t make sense. Adam still wins in the end. Trump is an idiot.

***
But that was a long and stressful two hours and frankly, I smell poo.  

(KEEP READING...)

I’m trying to ignore online rumours that Adam Carolla gets fired tonight, made worse by the fact that Carolla is scheduled to be on Ellen and The Tonight Show Monday night.

I don’t see how he could possibly be fired, though, since tonight is the “car” task.

In the previews, Carolla jokes about losing his virginity in a particular model of car.

Fans know the real story (and that the girl in question was Molly Ringwald’s sister):

The men decide to go with absurdly slow-spoken Star Trek alum George Takei.

Why? Because, well, as Carolla says, “he’s gay.”

***
Next week’s challenge involves marketing a new car, making Carolla the obvious choice for project manager.

Carpentry, then cars: has Trump stacked the tasks to ensure the Ace Man will win?

We’ll know for sure if an upcoming task involves either strip clubs or football.

Somebody’s seen the first episode already.

BONUS:

A neat look back on the single-season Adam Carolla Project (2005, TLC):

The Carolla Project followed Adam as he purchased his childhood home from his father and renovated it for resale. Carolla evidently knows his stuff when it comes to carpentry and construction, but instead of hiring an A-team, he assembled a group of misfit buddies of his from his pre-fame days. (…)

This ragtag bunch included:

Gary, a mild-mannered nature-loving loner who was so unfazed by Adam’s fame that he thought for about the first 5 or 6 years of their acquaintance that Adam was a janitor.

FREE! (Wow, this year really is “Stupid Women and/or Loudmouth Italians” Season!)

RELATED: universe implodes as Nick DiPaolo & Artie Lange are Adam’s guests tomorrow, along with Dr. Drew!