Posts Tagged ‘:entry:fivefeet-2008-09-01-0001’


Juno, D.C., or: If you get pregnant when you’re 17, you’re an idiot (with unapologetic updates)

Both my half-sisters got pregnant at 16. One had twins. They were idiots. One of them is still an idiot. The other just votes NDP.

They had the “excuse”, I suppose, that it was the early 60s and they didn’t have the Pill or something.

There is no excuse in 2008, especially when you come from a decent, educated, well-off family, and don’t have some obvious mental defect.

Sex is where babies come from. It doesn’t matter that you “didn’t mean to get pregnant” and only wanted the fun parts. An extreme skateboarder doesn’t “mean” to break a leg in eight places, but guess what?

I’m glad she’s not getting an abortion. I’m less thrilled that she’s getting married, but she probably isn’t thrilled either. If it works out, great. It’s been known to happen. But she should have planned her life better. It really isn’t that hard to do. Call it “delayed gratification.” Just control your damn self.

First you finish high school. Then you get married. Then you get pregnant. Those are the rules. Otherwise your life will be, at minimum, 50% more ****ed. It isn’t Fermat’s Theorum.

Yes, I am harsh, meanspirited and judgemental. Also not a pregnant unwed mother and never have been!! And that’s way more important.

This makes the Palins look really really tacky and low class.

We should want people better than “tacky and low class” in the White House. I left Hamilton to get away from tacky, low class people and their pregnant teenagers. Now they’re all over my damn television.

We criticized Bill Clinton for helping kids think “oral sex wasn’t real sex.” But we’re all cool with this? Kids will say, “So? Whatsername’s pregnant.”

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