Weekly World News has the exclusive scoop:
Obatma, Obama’s half-bat half-brother, arrived yesterday in Honolulu to spend time with his newfound family. He was wearing a scarf bearing the pan-African colors of red, black and green, and carrying one of the Kwanzaa candles.
Obama laughed and explained, “While our girls aren’t allowed to play with matches, Obatma was too excited about lighting the kinara for us to deny him. If I can admit I was wrong about the surge, I can admit that that was not our smartest decision. He was so nervous he dropped the candle and set the tablecloth on fire.”
Through tears and sign language, Obatma promised to use his allowance money to buy a new tablecloth.