I can’t believe you haven’t spent yours yet. I used mine around 1PM on Christmas Day.
If you still (I can’t believe it) didn’t use your gift card yet, you need to buy the Adam Corolla book, In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks: . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy
Dennis Miller convinced me, by calling it “the voice in my head.” (outstanding FREE audio clip).
Basically, it’s like if Mencken used to work construction.
Don’t argue with me — just do it. Here’s an excerpt:
Here’s what I would like to scream at all the [minimum wage, nametag-wearing] people who put themselves into the gatekeeper position. First, remove that plate of shit someone put under your nose and act like you want to be there. Second, I’m not asking for entry into your fourteen-year-old’s vagina, I’m trying to drive onto a mother****ing parking lot. Third, it’s not your goddamn lot. Your job is not to stop all people from getting onto the lot, it’s to prevent certain people from getting onto the lot. Points four through twenty-seven: Drop your mother****ing attitude. Just because you control a white piece of one-by-six from a telephone booth with a wall-mount air condiitioner doesn’t make you General ****ing MacArthur.
250 pages of that is just what you need to start off 2011.
(Language warning, need I tell you:)