I dearly hope a Charles Whitman-type autopsy someday reveals that Matthews’s obnoxious manner and twisted worldview were the tragic side effects of a hideous growth the approximate mass of a Titleist.
The alternative—that he thinks and speaks as he does of his own free will—is almost too depressing to contemplate. (…)
That JFK was a lying, drug-addled male slut is yesterday’s fish wrap as far as average, ordinary, grown-up people are concerned. But willfully naive elite sophisticates such as Matthews felt obliged to scramble like Clint Hill on the trunk of a Lincoln to put the president’s Humpty Dumpty reputation back together again now that “pimp” is the newest unflattering adjective to affix itself like a barnacle upon the once majestic SS John Fitzgerald Kennedy.
Matthews acquitted himself about as well as can be expected for a man in his unfortunate condition. Others have no excuse...
(I can’t believe I used the word “usually” in two sentences in a row near the end, dammit.)