Revealed: WHY Adam Levine is the ‘Sexiest Man Alive’? Scientists say singer’s square jaw and thin lips are the ‘height of masculinity’
I’ve been going “yuck!” since the start of the week, and I’m not alone it seems:
Maybe (pretty please!) Adam Levine isn’t even Jewish? No dice, alas. By his Wikipedia entry, his father is Jewish; Levine’s maternal grandfather was also Jewish…
And that’s when it hits you: Adam Levine is the hottest guy at Jewish summer camp, who doesn’t realize that title is extremely relative. He won’t kiss you on the mouth because he’s super in love with his blonde girlfriend Kristin back home, and that would be cheating, but he will deign to push your head down toward his crotch at final bonfire while telling you how smart he thinks you are, although what he’s really telling you is how smart he is for recognizing your smartness, and because all a really smart girl needs is Adam Levine to explain to her how smart she is, and how you’d like to say: “If I’m so smart, then why the hell am I doing this?”
Afterward he’ll do a lot more idiot philosophizing in which you, smart girl, are tacitly not invited to participate, because while you’re obviously a genius who has read all kind of books, a fact he will acknowledge with a faux-impressed smirk, your hopes and dreams are not nearly as important or fascinating as his will certainly be to you.