Also? Whether it’s a lion or a little boy, the necrophiliac Left only cares about dead things.
“Like my last boyfriend, he will be pretty much ideal in all other respects of character and looks, but just have that one little thing which for some reason I absolutely cannot live with, like ‘stumpy teeth’.
“Then I will meet with my friends in a wine bar and we will all laugh uproariously about it and make up a name for him like ‘Mr Stumpy Teeth’.
“They will all share similar stories, and we will get drunk while enjoying how witty, glamorous and capricious we are, like characters in a glossy US telly drama called something like ‘Lady Lawyers’, except we work for a printer cartridge company.
“Then I will go home to a flat that is empty except for a cat, some furniture and a big print of Audrey Hepburn.”